Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's blow job season.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
