I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize