a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
