Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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