Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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