His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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