You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize