I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
