i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
