last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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