are you so shy because you have an std?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
