Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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