just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
