Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
