Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
