My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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