Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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