I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
