I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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