I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
