Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
