All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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