Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
