Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
