this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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