I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
