just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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