you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
