just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
