I got her a Nickelback box set.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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