i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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