Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
