I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
