So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
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