i wish there were pregnant emoticons
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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