She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Why is your signature on my underwear?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
