I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
