And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I need to calm my uterus...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
