i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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