dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
