so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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