IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
