Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
