Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
