I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
