saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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