My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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