but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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