roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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