Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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