I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
