Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Houston, we have a blender
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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