at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
