i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
