Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
