was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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