Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
