There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
