And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
