I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just google imaged poop.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
