She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am naked and annoyed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
