thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
