I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I need a beard to bite.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
