In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
