He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
