Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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