I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
