just come out here and I will go home with you...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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