Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
