So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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