If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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