The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
