Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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