Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
