shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
