We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize