he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Your dad touched me again.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
