I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
