You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
