Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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